Aug 2011 - Oct 2011

Come back!
[ Posted Sun, 02 Oct 2011 20:59:39 ]

NO YOU <3

Listened
[ Posted Thu, 29 Sep 2011 22:33:14 ]

to Wasted in the car on the way back. Anthony just picked it, and turned it up loud, and eventually turned it up really loud. It was crazy, because I had just been thinking about how if we got in a car crash, I wouldn’t really mind, but I wouldn’t want other people to be sad, because I wouldn’t mind dying. And then he turns on that song. I really like that song, and for me it is rather emotional. He talks about being lonely every day, and what if he is miserable in the future, and how life is wasted… Which is all stuff I feel. It’s weird, because that music sounds sort of happy, but it some how works. And I just get in this insanely emotional mood when I sing it, and I really nearly cried, but I didn’t. xD I was like NO DON’T CRY CONTROL YOURSELF WOMAN YOU ARE WITH ANTHONY. It was just. crazy. I was just in my own thoughts and such, thinking about how I am probably going to be miserable when I am older, and always feel lonely/isolated. I don’t know. It’s a good song.

I think I am not going to do my french homework yet. xD

I AM IRRITATED.
[ Posted Wed, 28 Sep 2011 23:51:25 ]

I WAS HAVING A GOOD DAY UP UNTIL NOW.

I THINK I’M GOING TO DO MY CHEMISTRY HOMEWORK SO I WON’T BE SO ANNOYED.

Tagged with: I'm odd

All of my snacks
[ Posted Wed, 28 Sep 2011 22:44:26 ]

have to do with cheese. xD

UTZ Cheese Balls
Cheddar Chex Mix
Cheddar Pringles
Flavor Blasted Goldfish (Xtra Cheddar)
Doritos
Cheetos Cheese Puffs
White Cheddar Popcorn (Star Wars tin)
lololololol I’m going to get fat.

My logic
[ Posted Wed, 28 Sep 2011 16:54:20 ]

Why take a shower and ruin a perfectly good day?

Why take a shower and create more misery on a bad day?

Why take a shower at all?

Tagged with: /do not want to take shower, EVER

I am upset..
[ Posted Wed, 28 Sep 2011 00:45:12 ]

But I am not crying.

How odd.

I don't know why I said no.
[ Posted Tue, 27 Sep 2011 20:58:35 ]

I wish I could describe what I am feeling at this moment. It feels like… I don’t even know. I feel rather alone. I mean, I usually feel alone, but at times I feel it very strongly, and perhaps this is one of those times. Although it is something besides just loneliness. It isn’t how I think other people perceive loneliness. I suppose it’s a form of isolation… no.. Although I am surrounded by people and ideas and all of this stuff, I don’t feel connected to any of it. I don’t really feel connected to anything. Although I may feel strong emotions for certain things and people, I just don’t feel connected. I don’t feel close. And I just… feel so hopeless. I don’t think it’s possible to feel how I wish to feel. I don’t even know exactly what it is I want to feel, but I do know that whatever it is, I’m not feeling it. I just want to cry, and cry, and cry.

But I have homework to do. Somehow it seems less important now… I don’t think I will do it at this time. I’m not sure if I am able.

Not that these feelings I am having have anything to do with you, but I thought this was a good time to bring up another subject I keep fucking bringing up. I can’t stop thinking about it, because I guess my thoughts on it are much different from most people’s… and it bothers me, somehow. I guess that because I am not going to make you feel awesome anyways, I should just tell you everything I possibly can. Well, it’s probably more of a bother if I keep bringing it up BUT OH WELL. I think this sort of relates… I can’t.. not plan. Because I want to plan. I want to know what is going to or what is not going to happen. I don’t want to marry you, so I don’t plan on marrying you. I suppose that is why I say what I do. I guess completely saying no is sort of mean, but I don’t know what else to do. If I say yes even a little, then I’ll start planning and expecting. xD Of course, I do just imagine and play around sometimes because it’s silly, but that is completely different. I don’t want it to happen. I know I should probably keep my mouth shut, because things I say are unnecessary and probably hurt you sometimes. I just want to explain my feelings the best I can… I would want it to happen, honestly… There is just one major factor that would have to change, and I just don’t see it changing. I wish it would, believe me, I really wish it would. But it won’t. It’s incapable of happening. I’m incapable of feeling such a thing… Which depresses me to no extent. So, there are all sorts of factors that go into the ‘I won’t marry you’ thing, but the deciding factor is really.. that. It sounds worse if I say it, so I would rather just say ‘that’. >.< So yeah. I feel better about clearing up that one. It’s not you, it’s me. x) You know. Bleh. I’m sorry I have issues.

96 ON MY CHEM TEST
[ Posted Mon, 26 Sep 2011 15:58:37 ]

FUCK YEAH

I'm sorry.
[ Posted Sun, 25 Sep 2011 23:28:08 ]

When I asked for attention, I didn’t mean get stressed out because you don’t have time to give me attention. I am aware there are other reasons to be stressed beside me, but if you had one less thing to worry about, perhaps that would help ease your mind…. I understand you have a lot of work to do. I have a lot of work to do, too. That one night I was immature and left our fb video chat was because I had so much work to do, and I couldn’t really waste any time. I know how that feels. I don’t get angry like you, I get upset and frustrated, but I somewhat get how you feel nonetheless. I don’t want your college experience to be unpleasant. I don’t think anyone’s should be. College is very important to me. One, because I grew up having it drilled into my head that it was an important thing and needed to be done. Two, because it’s finally where we have a choice. We have a say in what we want to do, and when we want to do it, and what we wish to do with our lives. That’s crazy. I’ve never had so much freedom in my life, and you haven’t either. We shouldn’t be living these wonderful new lives in a stressed out state. We should be enjoying ourselves. We are finally living, or at least we are halfway there. I guess it doesn’t totally count until we are out of college, but STILL. I am excited. I have not gotten super stressed about anything yet. I didn’t want to do that long psych reading, but I never got stressed about it. Ever since I have started living away from home, I seem to be completely stress free. I obviously realize that we are different, and it isn’t like I can convince you to stop being stressed. You don’t mean to be, I’m sure. But I don’t really know what else to do, so I am simply doing what I always do… Write a stream of consciousness of what I am thinking.

We are both helpless. I can’t help you when you are angry and stressed, and you can’t help me when I am upset and miserable. Well, you help me when you are here, and a tiny bit if I talk to you, but I can’t honestly say you make it go completely away. I’m sure it’s the same with you, which is insanely frustrating! Now I know how you feel. xP

I don’t really have anything else to say, I guess. Well! When you have a shitton of work to do, just ignore me. I mean, let me know you have a bunch of work first. xD But I won’t get upset if I know you are busy? I was getting upset because you weren’t busy when I wanted to talk to you. You were sometimes, but I accept that as excusable. x) I don’t accept being neglected when you aren’t busy! But under this circumstance, I do NOT wish to cause you any more stress than you already have. So please, by all means, pretend I don’t exist. xP

I would really like to own fuckyeahtrees.
[ Posted Sun, 25 Sep 2011 23:12:30 ]

I think it would be the most fun ever! I would feel so honored! :D I really hope he chooses me. xD He said on that tumblr that he is still considering all of the people who wanted the job, and hasn’t decided yet. I can’t believe I just typed fuckyeahtrees.tumblr.com, and he wanted a new owner. Gahhh I soooo want a tree blog! And I want the url to be fuckyeahtrees. xD I WAAAAANTTT. I WANT ALL THE TREES.

It would just be. IT WOULD BE SO FUCKING COOL! XD I WOULD BE SO HAPPY TO HAVE THAT BLOG. PLEASE PICK MEEEEEEE XD

If he chooses someone else, I will be sad. xP

I'm not a dumb.
[ Posted Sun, 25 Sep 2011 19:37:21 ]

I know you weren’t serious. xD I just thought of that the other night, and thought it was kind of funny. xD AND I AM NOT COMPLETELY DISCOUNTING IT I’M JUST BEING REALISTIC. That’s not being unreasonable. You just want to say you’re the reasonable one. xP Butthead.

Tagged with: lul

I no longer like your house.
[ Posted Sun, 25 Sep 2011 19:32:55 ]

thespaceindian:

because it reminds me of the end. It reminds me of when things seemed tragic. It brings up memories of conflicted emotions I don't want to feel ever again. And it's hot in there xD But, like, it just feels out of place. I want to be with you everywhere, but I do not want to be there. That house is some kind of unexplainable taboo..

Urg. I dislike being in my house, too. Our reasons are similar, although my emotions are just overall miserable in that house. I feel very caged, and unhappy. It makes me want to do even less productive things. It makes me want to do nothing. It makes me want to smoke weed and do nothing else.

Here, I don’t seem to cry as often at night (of course it still happens, though). I don’t get scared. I do things on my own time, and manage my own life. I choose what I want to do when I want to do it. I take care of myself. I just wanted to come back to randolph-macon while at my house.

I am not really a fan of your house, either. xD It just makes me mad at your mom. It makes me frustrated. I know she has been more understanding about some things now, but it’s just the way she goes about things, and speaks to you… I just don’t like it. It doesn’t exactly evoke sad feelings, just frustrated ones…

I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK WE WILL DO OVER THE SUMMER.

If it makes you feel any better...
[ Posted Sat, 24 Sep 2011 23:20:53 ]

I say that I won’t/probably won’t marry you.

I also said that I wouldn’t stay with you during college, no matter what.

Tagged with: Hmmmmm.

THERE ARE NEW DRAGONS ON DRAGON CAVE.
[ Posted Fri, 23 Sep 2011 16:54:00 ]

And I already got five dragons. Right before I find out there’s new ones. DAMMIT I WANT. D< WHAT IF THEY BECOME UNCOMMONNNN. I NEED THEM NOWWW. Maybe I’ll try to get them for Michelle. I don’t think she really cares anymore about DC, but I enjoy getting eggs for her. xD

Nonetheless, I still got some good dragons. I always enjoy nebula dragons, although none of mine have pretty lineages… I need to catch a male one, because I only have one CB nebula and it’s female; but the rest have big lineages… and I finally bred a first gen shallow water dragon, which is exciting. I also FINALLY found a red dragon, because I only freaking have one and I have been trying to breed it for an eternity. I also bred a black one, which I never thought would happen. xD I hope it turns out to be an alt… I wish I had more black dragons, at least a CB one. But I am happy I have an alt, I remember that I was so excited when it turned out to be one. xD OH THOSE WERE THE DAYS

Goddammit I have no freaking life. lolololol

Tagged with: LOLOLOLOL IM SUCH A LOSER

I'm bored, and this is what I said out loud to myself.
[ Posted Fri, 23 Sep 2011 16:00:24 ]


squigggle:

leadingtone:

The best presentation I have ever seen on the subject of education. A must-see for all educators and students.

This is cool.

Holy shit. The animation! The speech! It's all brilliant!!

Told you to watch that shit. xP

Tagged with: told ya so

Or maybe
[ Posted Fri, 23 Sep 2011 02:31:37 ]

I just post things on tumblr because I am insensitive or something.

I wish I knew why I did things. Fuck you, brain. You are so damn secretive.

I wish I had more chemistry problems to do.
[ Posted Fri, 23 Sep 2011 01:56:00 ]

Technically I could do the ones in the book, but most of them don’t have answers and I need to know if the shit I’m doing is right.

And chemistry is distracting. And I can do all this shit right now, so it is also enjoyable. I understand it all. I enjoy understanding things.

I seem to have extreme problems with not understanding things. I wish I knew why. I should just dgaf. That would make life better. And so would being stoned right now.

You know what, I have more to say.
[ Posted Fri, 23 Sep 2011 01:39:00 ]

Although this will probably make no sense to you because you will most likely read this one before the other one. BUT FRANKLY MY DEAR, I DON’T GIVE A DAMN.

Although I strongly suggest reading a few posts down first. Seriously.

When you know that someone important to you does not feel good, or is upset, then you should make attempting to make them feel better your top priority. I really don’t give a fuck if you have to be rude. Are you telling me that you are worrying more about being inconsiderate to your friends than you are about me being upset? Oh yeah, that makes me feel real damn important. Thanks for that.

I’m not saying just fucking ditch them. But if they are good friends, and you say, I’m sorry guys, Vittoria is upset and I need to make her feel better, I am fucking sure they will understand. When Anthony and Kent complained about me being rude the other day, I told them you were stressed out and I needed to talk to you, and that was the end of that. Is that really so difficult?

This is like the same thing with Michelle and Sam and Kasey. Michelle told Sam to stop talking to Kasey, because it made her upset. But Sam would not stop talking to Kasey, because he said he didn’t want to make her upset. So WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT. Why would he put someone else, another girl, before Michelle? Why would he put someone else’s feelings before Michelle’s?

I am pretty sure you fucking agreed with me on that, by the way. So I am not really sure why you are acting in a way that you know I don’t like, and that you agreed with me about.

I don’t really care that I am a lost cause and I am going to be pretty miserable no matter what. But does that mean that you should just give up and ignore me when YOU KNOW I AM SAD?! Not at fucking all. Although perhaps that is what you think. I’m not really sure what you think though, BECAUSE I DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW YOU.

Well, that part isn’t your fault, so I apologize for raising my voice. That part is really all me. Perhaps I am just bitter because I cannot understand, feel close to, or love other people. That is most likely a large factor in all of this, so I apologize. It really isn’t all you, so I hope you don’t feel like it is. You will probably call me after or while reading all this, or maybe you won’t even see it tonight, which I would be okay with. I really, really don’t want to make you upset, but I also know that I need to work on my communication in relationships skills. I need to tell you shit like this.

I don’t know what I want anymore.

Oh yeah, WAIT A SECOND.
[ Posted Fri, 23 Sep 2011 01:24:44 ]

THAT’S WHAT I FUCKING DO EVERY NIGHT

Really,
[ Posted Fri, 23 Sep 2011 01:20:00 ]

I think I’ll just cry all night long.

And not get sleep.

And fail my chemistry test.

And never finish my french homework.

And never do anything productive for the rest of my life.

And never know anything.

And be alone forever.

In which case, I would most likely kill myself.

…

Oh yeah. That just sounds like SUCH A GOOD FUCKING TIME.

WHY AM I SO ALONE
[ Posted Fri, 23 Sep 2011 01:05:52 ]

Tagged with: I DON'T WANT TO BE, WHY CAN'T I BE CLOSE TO SOMEONE, I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THIS GODDAMMIT, I WANT TO FEEL GOOD THINGS AND NOT BAD THINGS

GODDAMMIT
[ Posted Fri, 23 Sep 2011 01:04:00 ]

I make no sense. Why do I feel so incredibly clingy and sad the DAY BEFORE Zac comes? That doesn’t even fucking make sense. I am going to see him tomorrow. If I were a rational person, that would mean that I should be like eh, whatever, I’ll talk to Zac before I go to bed and I’ll see him tomorrow. I have other things to worry about… Like a chemistry test and french homework that I don’t wish to do.

YET, this is how I feel. This is where the problem lies in a long distance relationship. I know you are trying. Really, I do. I’m not blaming you, I am blaming myself…Okay, I am partially blaming you. I really don’t want to make you upset, especially when you have so much going on and you are coming tomorrow… But I have started to have that familiar feeling that I used to have quite often during the summer.

I guess I am still stuck in the mindset of not understanding how someone can act the way you do, but also feel the way you do. Even though I know (or rather, have a rough understanding that) you have very strong feelings for me, I just don’t feel it very often. It doesn’t seem like you do. It’s really irritating and does not make sense that I don’t seem to know what I know about your feelings. Perhaps I need constant confirmation, constant attention. I don’t know. I wish I could tell you. This is very difficult to word.

This is why I have assumed I will probably not marry you (among many other reasons). You don’t automatically do what I apparently unconsciously believe you should be doing. You have to try very hard to do it, and that isn’t how it should be. Also, I think you have started trying with less effort.

I know you have been busy with multiple art projects and crazy college stuff; I understand. I have crazy college stuff too, although very different. But even before you had all that going on, I felt it starting.

I honestly dislike discussing these sorts of things over tumblr, especially because you do not immediately respond, and I would like to be in front of you. But at the moment, it can’t be helped. I can’t wait any longer. I can’t even wait one more day. This has been inside of me for awhile, and it really killed to not see you last weekend. Still, this is better than text. And you have no time to talk to me on the phone, so you know, whatever. This will have to do, and if you don’t like it, I don’t know what to tell you.

I am not angry. Yes, I am upset, but that doesn’t say much seeing as I am always upset. I just… I shouldn’t have to tell you to pay me attention. You should want to, you should do it automatically. Telling you to do something and then you doing it is definitely not the same as you doing it on your own. This is why I never spoke up before, because I didn’t want to have to tell you, because I really shouldn’t have to. If you give me more attention after I tell you to, it isn’t because YOU want to give me attention, it’s because I want you to give me attention. And that is not what I want at all.

I don’t know why you started neglecting me more. And you can’t say it’s because of school work, because I know it isn’t. This is just how you are. This is how you act, this is how I suppose you think you should act. I just. I don’t know what to tell you. I really don’t want to make you upset, especially because I know you have a lot of shit on your hands. That’s why I held it off for so long.

I don’t even feel like you want to talk to me. You call me RIGHT before you go to bed, so you are always too tired to talk. You rarely text me, although I don’t even like texting that much, but if you aren’t going to do that you could at least call. You constantly sound distracted. This shit is difficult, because you are supposed to make an effort to make it work. Where are you? Because you certainly don’t seem to be very involved in my life. Or rather, you don’t seem to want to be involved… I shouldn’t feel like calling you would be bothering you. I should feel like calling you would make you happy. But that isn’t how I feel.

I just. How the fuck can you like someone so much, and neglect them? That doesn’t make any fucking sense to me, and it never will. I’m sorry. I can’t change how I feel, I have been trying for like fucking ever because I like you so much, and I want to be with you. But you don’t exactly act like you want to be with me, half of the time. I just. I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FUCKING DO THAT. THATS JUSAR/esrDS FSD MAKES NO FUCKING DAMN SENSE

GODDAMMIT

Tagged with: FUCK, I'M SORRY, esdfesjgfnesklfjdaslfkrs

FUCKING BABIES
[ Posted Fri, 23 Sep 2011 00:31:07 ]

GROW THE FUCK UP

FOR SOME FUCKING REASON
[ Posted Thu, 22 Sep 2011 21:20:25 ]

I have never been any fucking good at logarithms. I DON’T FUCKING KNOW WHY. But it’s like I KNOW NOTHING.

And it’s really pissing me off.

I am really fucking mad.

I shouldn’t be this FUCKING STUPID GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

I. love. love stories.
[ Posted Thu, 22 Sep 2011 01:43:21 ]

I forgot how much I love The Girl Who Leapt Through Time. SO GOOD. I think I just emphasize how good it is, because it isn’t made by Miyazaki. xD I know there are tons of great anime films out there, but Miyazaki definitely produces the better -if not best- of them all. Anyways, it’s just crazy and makes me cry (like all movies) and it’s just. I love it. It’s not even really a love story for most of it, but then it really is, so idk what I’m talking about… :P

Elaboration.
[ Posted Wed, 21 Sep 2011 16:22:19 ]

I wish to elaborate on my two different lives thing, but I am not sure how. I guess I don’t really understand how it makes you unhappy, because it shouldn’t? It has nothing to do with how you feel, or how you make me feel. It’s just about life, and the enormity of how difficult this is (the sentence doesn’t sound right, but I wish to use the word enormity so too bad). It’s like.. you aren’t doing anything wrong, I’m not doing anything wrong; we’re not doing anything wrong. It’s just… life. Life is fucking hard. I am in no way expressing that I regret my decision, because I don’t. I am extremely glad that I revoked my original decision, because this is somehow better. It is difficult, but surprisingly, it is less lonely. I realized that staying with you would not be more lonely, as I previously thought, but would actually be less lonely. I still have you. You still have me. Being with someone else, or no one at all would in fact be more lonely, even if that person lived in the dorm next to mine and I saw them every day. You mean more to me than.. than. than basically anyone. I constantly think of what it would be like if I didn’t have you anymore, and I really don’t like it. I really, really, really don’t like it. I don’t think I would have been quite as quick to recover as I had made it seem. I know, I’m just rambling now, and not elaborating at all.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I’m trying to convey my emotions and it isn’t working. My left brain is fucking broken. :P I just don’t want this to upset you, because I can’t properly explain it so you may not even understand what it is that I am feeling. So that would be dumb if you were upset about a misconception. xP I just want you to know that you are awesome, and we are wonderful, and life is better because of you, and I want this to work. AND I AM TRYING SO FUCKING HARD. Because I have never dealt with any of these feelings before, because this is a new experience, and new situation. I’m just confused, I guess. I don’t know. I just want more of you, and I am not completely used to not having you. I am coping better than I ever thought I would, though…. That’s a positive.

The most important thing right now is to make you feel better, but I don’t know why you aren’t in a good mood. And I don’t want to mess you up more by being obnoxious so I’m just waiting… I don’t really know what to do to make you feel better, to be honest. I don’t know how to do this… especially from so far away. I just.. I am really concerned, and I really want to help you, and it’s so frustrating that I don’t know what to do! I feel like such a bad girlfriend. and then you are gonna go and feel all bad, thinking that you are making me feel bad!! Don’t do that! XD That’s DUMB. XP I’m choosing to be worried about you. Gah, I don’t know what else to say. I hope you feel better, honey. ):

I DON'T WANT TO SHOWER D<
[ Posted Wed, 21 Sep 2011 15:55:47 ]

BUT MY HEAD ITCHES.

IT KNOWS. IT KNOWS I NEED A SHOWER.

BUT I DO NOT WANT. D<

Tagged with: These are the problems I face. MY LIFE IS SO HARD

rain.
[ Posted Wed, 21 Sep 2011 15:51:49 ]

I say I don’t mind the rain.

I don’t like when my clothes are wet. My shoes, my leggings. My glasses. I don’t like when my things are wet, it feels gross.

However, if the thought of being naked didn’t gross me out so much, I feel like I would be perfectly fine with being in the rain if I was naked. The reason rain feels gross is because rain makes clothes feel gross, and they don’t dry if you continue to wear them, and it just feels icky. If I was naked though, it would feel awesome.

EXCEPT THAT I DON’T LIKE BEING NAKED. And I don’t wanna show off my body to every single person outside, either. xD

Just a thought I had, while strolling back to my room in the rain, from french class.

I like Zac.
[ Posted Wed, 21 Sep 2011 13:47:13 ]

Zac zac zac! I wish for him to feel better, and to have a better day, and to be in a better mood! I just wish everything wonderful and amazing on him, because he deserves it. ^w^

I feel rather helpless and powerless at the moment. I don’t know what’s up, but I just want it to be okay. I want Zac to be happy, at least more often than not. I want to hug him, and kiss him, and make him feel better. Everything seems better when we are together, so I also just want Friday to come.

I miss Zac. I don’t want Zac to be unhappy… I don’t know what to do.

Tagged with: zac zac, cheer up! :D, I GOT YOU PRESENTS

I believe
[ Posted Tue, 20 Sep 2011 20:55:36 ]

that is the best picture you have ever taken.

FUCK, you’re cute. FUCKFUCKFUCK

Tagged with: zac, is too fucking cute

I WANNA BE HEALTHY
[ Posted Sun, 18 Sep 2011 21:31:00 ]

SO I CAN STOP FEELING SO SHITTY

I wish that
[ Posted Sun, 18 Sep 2011 19:49:44 ]

I lived with Zac.

Maybe that sounds kind of crazy, or sudden or something. Maybe that doesn’t even make sense because of my persistent talk of not marrying him. Whatever.

I’m pretty sure it would work. What I mean by that is we are capable of living together. It wouldn’t work as of now (so in reality it would probably never happen) because of school. But, I enjoy imagining. I enjoy the fantasy.

It’s just that… right now, I don’t know what to do. I literally feel like I have two different lives. I have Zac life and I have college life, and life overall seems to not want me to have both. Because fucking life is making this difficult. I want more of Zac life and less of college life, because college life is not fun without Zac, but I want to be in college and learn things and shit. But I don’t want this lonely aspect. I constantly feel like something is missing, and I know exactly what it is. It’s Zac.

I’m not sure when Zac became so incredibly important. He has always been important, since I met him, but sometime before we left something must have changed. Like. I like him so fucking much, I don’t know what to do with myself. I cry for various reasons a lot now, and I think a lot of them have to do with Zac. Some times seem good, some bad, some I just don’t understand. I guess I never considered the possibility that you actually wanted to possibly marry me. Honestly, that sort of made an impact. I know you aren’t saying YEAH LET’S GET MARRIED, but still.. Why did we change roles when it comes to rationality again? XD I suppose I assumed something that I thought you felt. The fact that you could see yourself liking me forever is enough to affect anyone.

Sometimes, I don’t even want to like you so much, because it sucks. XD But I really do want to, I guess. xP It’s worth it, but it isn’t the same without being in person. I am just. I am so motivated to still be with you by next semester. I AM PUMPED FOR NEXT SEMESTER. When you have a car, my life will be better. Your life will be better. Our life will be better. I just want to see you all the time. I want to actually, physically, BE with you. This is even worse than I imagined. >.< But I am trying. I am trying so hard! Because I like you so much, and you are so important to me… I just miss you a lot.

It's really fucking stupid
[ Posted Sun, 18 Sep 2011 17:34:40 ]

that they never have 32DD anywhere. EVER. And the ones at Victoria’s Secret are too small. The lady told me I could probably even wear a 32DDD if they had them. >.>

GODDAMMIT. IT ISN’T MY FAULT I HAVE THESE.

I am upset
[ Posted Sat, 17 Sep 2011 15:34:28 ]

and it is difficult to concentrate on doing this homework shit.

I just feel terrible.

songs.
[ Posted Sat, 17 Sep 2011 11:33:00 ]

I associate odd songs with events or emotions. It seems to have to do with parts of the song, or even just the period of time I found and/or listened to the song often.

The song Animal by Neon Trees seems to remind me of what I almost lost. For some reason, when I heard it with Michelle it like instantly affected me. It isn’t even about what I make it about? I seem to do that a lot with songs. xD I take the parts out that match what I feel, and forget about the rest, or the overall meaning of the song. There isn’t going to be a song that reflects my feelings exactly, so that may be why. Probably because it starts out “Here we go again, I kinda wanna be more than friends” and then other random lines such as “I won’t sleep tonight” “Oh, oh I want some more” “What are you waiting for” “I wanna run and hide” “Hush, hush The world is quiet/ Hush, hush We both can’t fight it/ It’s us that made this mess/ Why can’t you understand?/ Whoa, I won’t sleep tonight” and probably the fact that ”Oh, oh I want some more” and “What are you waiting for” repeats so often. I would listen to it on Michelle’s ipod while she was gathering firewood or something, and would cry. I sat in a camping chair, high as fuck, thinking about shit and watching Michelle, trying to decide what to do. I realized that I wasn’t supposed to feel this way, that my emotions weren’t supposed to still be so strong. I didn’t want to be without Zac. Every single time I got high (which was the majority of camping. xD) I thought about Zac, and came to the same conclusion every time. I’m crazy. xD Sometimes when I listen to that song, it’s like my mind remembers how I felt while camping, and I will nearly cry. I’m so damn emotional…

From time to time, Vagabond and I Like You So Much Better When You’re Naked evoke the same sorts of emotions. Vagabond always played in Zac’s car, and seemed to play more during that last week. I listened to those two songs a good amount that Friday night before Zac left. While I was high. All these crazy things happen when I’m high, dude. xP Vagabond also makes me feel awesome though. I really fucking like that song. It makes me feel free, or something along the lines of that.

Tagged with: I really want Zac. Right now.

I am so fucking alone.
[ Posted Fri, 16 Sep 2011 23:40:00 ]

goddammit.

Tagged with: I REALLY want to smoke some weed, WITH MICHELLE, AND/OR ZAC

I signed myself up
[ Posted Fri, 16 Sep 2011 16:05:00 ]

to have the guest student who does not use words, but screams sometimes.

Before I went up to the professor to let her know I could handle the worst, I thought of the guest students, and which one would probably be assigned to me. Immediately I thought of Matthew, who is in a wheelchair and does not speak, but screams when he is unhappy. I thought it would be either him, or Brandon, who has frequent seizures and gets disoriented. At first, I was disappointed, because I wished to form a strong bond with whoever my guest student was, and this would be much more achievable by talking. But then I thought, without an ounce of modesty, that most (or perhaps all) of the people in my class were not excited about this. This is not what they signed up for, this is not what they wanted to do, it even makes a few of them uncomfortable. I knew they probably could not do this as well as I could.

I thought of April. I miss April. My mom says she asks about me all the time, and my mom has to tell her I am in college… I enjoyed spending time with her, and helping her better her social skills. I know that many people cannot do what my mother does, cannot do what I can do. My sister is a perfect example, and so is my father. They are not mean or cruel to those with disabilities, they just cannot handle them well. I think that is okay, I can’t expect everyone to be able to spend time with people that are so incredibly different from ‘normal’ people. I feel like everyone should accept them, though. But, I can’t change how people think. Knowing this, I decided that I was the best one for the job, because I did not want anyone to not handle Matthew correctly. Therefore, I strolled up to Prof. Hughes, and explained to her that I have worked with many autistic kids before, and felt that I could handle autistic adults better than most. She immediately asked what I had expected: if I could handle Matthew. I replied that I thought I could, but requested that I be grouped with another classmate that felt they could handle him as well. I do not want someone who doesn’t care, because I would get upset with them constantly. I want someone engaged, like myself.

Another random thing that I might throw in here, is that if I could find no other job, I would be content doing something like what my mother does, for a period of time. I don’t think I would want to do that my entire life, because if I wish to continue living how I have been living, I need more money than that. xD But, as a temporary job, I would gladly choose something along the lines of that. I feel like I would prefer to work with autistic kids than autistic adults, but I can’t yet be sure.

I think I did the right thing, and I really feel like I can do this better than anyone else in my class. I am motivated. I really hope whoever gets Brandon is comfortable with seizures, because NO ONE I have talked to in that class is comfortable with them. I feel like I could handle the situation calmly, although I cannot say for sure because I have never been in that position before.

I am looking at this in a positive light, without fear.

IT WAS OLIVE GARDEN HOLY FUCK
[ Posted Fri, 16 Sep 2011 15:43:27 ]

FUCK OLIVE GARDEN GODDAMMIT

faithtrustandpixiedustt:

i swear man i can never do anything right.

I get really upset
[ Posted Thu, 15 Sep 2011 16:09:39 ]

When it comes to math, science, and french. They are all subjects that I love, subjects that I consider myself mildly good at, or at least, I used to be.

Fuck. I don’t know what I am going to do with my life. I do not seem to be good at anything, anymore. I don’t like stupid people, but that is what I am becoming. I don’t know why I can’t do anything anymore. Maybe I have become too lazy. Maybe my brain just can’t do the work anymore.

I don’t know what to do. I’m flipping out. I’m glad Charlotte left. What the fuck am I gonna do? I don’t know what I’m gonna do… I have to decide soon, too. I can’t just wait until forever to decide. This is so expensive, what if I waste it all.. What if I can’t do anything… Why can’t I be good at something why can’t I know what I want to do…. Everyone knows, everyone has an idea, I don’t even have that.

I’m not the best at anything. Only perhaps sub-par. I don’t even know what I like.

I am just really upset. Goddammit.

Shallow as a shower
[ Posted Thu, 15 Sep 2011 12:23:11 ]

This is sort of random, but I was thinking about it the other day. I feel like if I was less attractive, I would also be less shallow. I wouldn’t consider myself extremely shallow, or even the type of shallow that many people are but. I definitely am. If someone is extremely unattractive, I probably won’t want to talk to them, because they aren’t nice to look at. It sounds terrible when I say it like that, but I do it unconsciously. I won’t be mean to someone because of what they look like, that would be too low. What is attractive to me is pretty different from many opinions, anyways. But I have found, if someone is more attractive, I want them to be my friend (if their personality matches their looks, of course). I started thinking about this because of Japanese Culture Club. Pretty much more than half of the people in there were unattractive. There are so many unattractive people that are otakus, I wonder why. xD Even in Lee-Davis, a good amount of the people that were into Japanese stuff were unattractive. It’s odd. There are definitely many attractive people into Japanese stuff; all you have to do is go to an anime convention. xP But seriously, I don’t understand it. I feel bad for them. I feel like a bad person, because I automatically decided I wanted to stay with my friend Megan when we did club things, or perhaps this other guy that wasn’t greasy and didn’t have any acne (like almost every other person there). xD AND THAT IS SO MEAN. But I don’t do it on purpose? It just happens.

Sometimes it doesn’t though, like with Steven. I think I automatically accepted him because he is your very best friend. And I love Steven! His personality far outweighs his looks. But, he isn’t even that bad. But, idk. I probably would never have approached him if I didn’t know you. Perhaps that is just the kind of person I am… Although, I figure if I wasn’t attractive myself, I wouldn’t judge people so much. I guess in a way, I feel better than them, which is the wrong way to feel.

Goddammit. I am just a bad person. xD Whatever. dgaf, man.

It's three AM.
[ Posted Mon, 12 Sep 2011 02:56:13 ]

I am finally done with all of my homework.

Goddamn myself and my procrastinating ways! I just can’t wait to wake up in FIVE hours. YIPPIE SKIPPY

When people talk about going to go have sex
[ Posted Sun, 11 Sep 2011 23:29:50 ]



That’s what DEM BITCHES were thinking. I was the one having sex. ^w^

Sometimes, I honestly do not wish to exist. I don’t want to kill myself, though. I have no idea why, but I just don’t want to do that. There is every possibility that I could in the future, but right now is not the time. I suppose I am giving life a chance to offer me something better. So, I honestly occasionally wish I had cancer. Not a painful one, or anything. I know that sounds absolutely horrible, and some people may actually be offended if they heard me say that. If I had cancer, I wouldn’t have to kill myself. I wouldn’t have to live for a long time, and I would have motivation to travel loads of places and trip on shrooms and LSD and do whatever drugs I want because I am going to die anyways. It would be sort of like the movie “The Holiday” with Queen Latifah. x) I wish I could do all that shit now, but I need my money for the future. Which is annoying, but whatever. I am in no hurry to trip, because I know I will eventually do it. I really want to, but I am not in a rush… There are other things I want to do, but those are the main ones, I guess. But it’s like, I don’t really want to live because I am miserable and life seems too long to be so miserable all of the time. This world isn’t exactly appealing, either. Plus, I don’t think I am ever going to find love. I really, really do not think I am capable of it. If I said I could love, it would be a wish. a hope. I would be an actor, and not myself. Even if I somehow found love, could I be happy? Even if I have children and a husband like I want, could I be happy? I don’t think so. I really, really don’t. Perhaps that is my pessimistic way of imagining the future, but I honestly believe it. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know why I am living.

The point is, I just realized I probably won’t get cancer. I smoke too much weed. x)

Tagged with: BUT WHO KNOWS I COULD BE WRONG, I have never heard of someone getting cancer that also smokes weed, maybe if they smoke cigs too? But I don't know.

"Vittoria,
[ Posted Sun, 11 Sep 2011 15:22:00 ]

While we are all glad you have a boyfriend and a love life. We would appreciate it if when you fucked your man you would have the decency to be a little less vocal when being pleasured. Thank you very much. If we hear your activities as loud as the were before again we will have to go to the R.A.

Sincerely,
Your Hall Mates”

Grammatical and spelling errors aside…. LUL THEY JUST JELLY. xD

Tagged with: dem bitches, jelly jelly jelly jelly jelly, not to mention a couple of places were scratched out or whited out. These girls were having difficulties writing this note apparently., lululululul

A week is too damn long.
[ Posted Sat, 10 Sep 2011 00:42:53 ]

Tagged with: Two weeks is not happening, Do not let it ever happen.

Goddammit.
[ Posted Thu, 08 Sep 2011 23:32:11 ]

I am so fucking mean.

Tagged with: fuck., I suck., I'm sorry

I suck at texting..
[ Posted Thu, 08 Sep 2011 19:45:24 ]

Don’t stress about it honey! It’s okay, really! I know you’re trying!

Tagged with: i'm sorry, i'm trying

):
[ Posted Thu, 08 Sep 2011 11:39:37 ]

I keep getting upset all the time. and crying.

I think there are probably multiple reasons. None of which I really know, or understand. But now that I learned that it isn’t just me that feels this way, I guess that makes it a little better. I’m thinking I may take some other psychology stuff or something, because all that brain stuff is really interesting to me. It makes sense out of things I already thought but wasn’t sure about.

I don’t really know what to do, though. I don’t really know what I want. I don’t really know what will make me feel better. So I continue to distract myself… that seems to work the best. For a little while, at least.

I WAS REALLY EXCITED TODAY BECAUSE SATURDAY IS CLOSE AND I WILL GET TO BE WITH ZAC
[ Posted Wed, 07 Sep 2011 21:09:22 ]

And now I am upset.

Damn you, emotions that I cannot control!

I JUST WANT TO FUCKING SMOKE SOME POT
[ Posted Wed, 07 Sep 2011 20:23:56 ]

Explanations.
[ Posted Wed, 07 Sep 2011 13:48:33 ]

Our unconscious mind feels the emotion. Whatever emotion we are feeling, comes from the unconscious mind. Our conscious mind is the one that tries to explain it, that makes up stories for how we are feeling although we don’t really know the reasons.

This is how I have felt all along. I rarely hear of people that cry and do not know why, but I suppose those people have come up with an explanation and are satisfied with it. I am not satisfied with most of the reasons I can come up with. The emotions are too strong for words, too strong to understand. I don’t know how other people can be content with their explanations sometimes. Perhaps I am more straight forward with myself, I don’t know.

I am aware that some reasons for emotions are/seem obvious. But I don’t think anyone can fully explain exactly how they are feeling and why. Perhaps I am wrong about other people, but I know that I cannot convey my emotions to another person, or even myself.

Tagged with: Brain stuff is interesting, I am glad I took this class. xP

Earth As It Might Be In The Future
[ Posted Wed, 07 Sep 2011 13:21:10 ]

all-thats-interesting:


Prepare to feel small.
CRAZY SHIT

Tagged with: earth in the future, futurism, geography, physics, science, animation, earth in the future, astonishing, incredible, humanity, future of humanity

I just want to talk to you.
[ Posted Tue, 06 Sep 2011 21:12:41 ]

ALL THE TIME.

It’s bad. I’m sorry I keep calling you. >.>

I feel very alone, and I just want you.

If all of my college days turn out like this one
[ Posted Tue, 06 Sep 2011 17:59:45 ]

Then I should plan on being rather lonely. x)

I don’t even know what I did today. xD I mean, I don’t know how it all took so long? The only homework I did was chemistry, and I had already done half of chemistry last night. I unpacked the clothes from my remaining box and sorted and put away most of them (not even all of them). I cleaned up a bit, although it is still fairly messy. I didn’t do my FYEC or French homework, but I did print my Chemistry homework that is due Friday? I ate breakfast at 9, and ate lunch fairly quickly. Then I had a lab from 2-5, and now I am here. What the hell did I do from 9-2? xD I got nothing done, and hung out with no one, excluding breakfast. WTF. Charlotte wasn’t even here the entire day.

Now I have a bunch of homework to do, but on the bright side Charlotte and I got chinese tonight, and I love chinese. xD

DO NOT WANT
[ Posted Tue, 06 Sep 2011 11:14:00 ]

To read 43 pages for FYEC. I just want to mope about not being with Zac.

MOPE MOPE MOPE. I am so alone.

ZAC
[ Posted Mon, 05 Sep 2011 23:52:00 ]

Don’t buy me any shirts from thinkgeek. Because I just bought some. xD I AM SO BAD AT BEING AN ADULT.

The mail room at RMC is going to be like THIS GIRL AGAIN? WTF. >.>

Goddammit.

Tagged with: If you already bought me the same one... well damn. I suck. xD, Although I doubt you would have bought me a shirt, BUT WHAT DO I KNOW

Sex, Sleeping & Breakfast
[ Posted Mon, 05 Sep 2011 00:33:27 ]

thespaceindian:

Even though most of last night/today doesn't need to be ...explained,“ ;) I must say that it definitely ranks in the top five times I've spent with you. I mean, obviously various times I like for various reasons, but so I can't explicitly rate them in a list format, but this will definitely be a super highlight ;D

MHM AGREED

Tagged with: good times, FOUR, college sleepover!

Is Abstinence Immoral?
[ Posted Sun, 04 Sep 2011 15:51:34 ]

philulzophy:


I. Masturbation or sex in moderation does not harm you

II. Masturbation or sex yields a peaceful mind state

III. A peaceful mind state is beneficial to other people by making one less hostile

IV. An act that does not harm you and helps other people is a moral obligation

V. Not fulfilling a moral obligation is immoral

VI. Abstinence is immoral

Tagged with: half serious

Four times in Eight and a half hours.
[ Posted Sun, 04 Sep 2011 12:57:32 ]

Excluding sleeping time but including eating time. LULULULULULULUL.

Best we have ever done.

Tagged with: SEX WITH ZAC IS FUN

TIME TO CLEAN UP ALL THE CONDOM TRASH
[ Posted Sun, 04 Sep 2011 12:55:48 ]

thespaceindian:

XD

NOOO You have to leave it so Shawn thinks you are a badass. XD lululululululul

Lol.
[ Posted Sat, 03 Sep 2011 13:42:50 ]

I would apologize for being so horny, but in a few hours, you will be one happy man. (;

Too mainstream.
[ Posted Sat, 03 Sep 2011 00:35:48 ]

“Stalk ALL the Michaels!”

Anthony is a little obsessed with memes. And uses them in day to day life. Especially X all the Ys. lululul. It’s hilarious, and I love it. He laughs at everything and so do I. xD Michael was being a little bitch today and not hanging out with us, but we hung out with Amanda and Kent, and Amanda is super cool. And super pretty too, it’s like DAMN. Anthony is having issues about wanting to stay with his girlfriend, and he basically only talks to me about it, and he is just like OMG SO MANY PRETTY GIRLS. He feels bad about it, so I told him to wait awhile until all the meeting new people thing is over, and then make a decision. Meeting new people can be overwhelming, especially new attractive people.

I love it here. I absolutely love it. Of course there are and will be some small things that I do not like… Such as the hours of the dining hall. But there really are no major downsides to R-MC, and I am glad I made friends so quickly. Otherwise I would just be chilling by myself, bored. I hung out with like 4 different people at different times today, but the best was definitely just awhile ago with Anthony, Kent, and Amanda. I changed my mind, it isn’t going to be Anthony, Michael, and me. It’s going to be us four. Anthony and I decided that Michael is too popular for us now, and we aren’t cool enough to hang out with him. xD So we somehow got into Andrews Hall past 10, and into the different halls using other people to get in, to attempt to wake up Michael because he wouldn’t hang out with us. XD We were just being really goofy and stuff, and knocked but nobody came out. So, Anthony took a marker and wrote on Michael’s white board “Stalk ALL the Michaels!” and drew the meme to go with it. Then Amanda and I saw across the hall someone wrote I <3 (picture of triangle) on their whiteboard. So we were like OMG HIPSTERS. And we all constantly make fun of hipsters, so I was like ANTHONY WRITE ‘TOO MAINSTREAM’ NEXT TO THIS, and he did. xD Then we knocked loudly on Michael’s door and booked it down the hall, but for no reason because no one came out of the room… >.>

Walmart+Dollar Tree TWICE today. But both times were ADVENTURES! I wish we didn’t have to wake up early tomorrow, because everyone is like better go to bed bro, and I am like NO DON’T LEAVE ME. Anyways, I really want to talk to Zac, so my phone battery better last. Peace out, mutha fuckas.

AND, AND!
[ Posted Thu, 01 Sep 2011 22:48:00 ]

Michael is super friendly to girls. Which would piss me off too much if I ever wanted to date him. SO THERE. FEEL BETTTTTTER xD I know you don’t feel bad but I just. I want to make it up to you. I’m sorry I’m so crazy honey. I am really trying, but it is so much harder now.. SO MUCH HARDNESS. lulululululul.

GODDAMMIT AND I JUST WANT TO FUCK YOU. YOU MIGHT NEED MORE THAN TWO CONDAMNS. PLEASE JUST. COME OVER HERE AND FUCK ME RIGHT NOW

Also,
[ Posted Thu, 01 Sep 2011 22:44:55 ]

The dudes (Anthony and Michael) talk to me about hot girls and I agree and stuff, so. That’s a bro thing to do. That isn’t something you do with women you are interested in. Or a woman you EVER want to be interested in. (Unless you are already dating them, and they are okay with that? Like Michelle and Sam? Fucking weirdos.) JUST SAYING.

"We just put our shirts in her fridge"
[ Posted Thu, 01 Sep 2011 22:40:43 ]

Pretty much sums up my day. xP Naw, but really..

I am too tired to type up much, although I realllly want to. I think I am just going to lay in bed, because I hurt and I shall be sore tomorrow. WOO. Today was the fun day, and tomorrow will not be as fun. I haven’t looked at the schedule again yet, but I am going to see if I have any down time. Chilling with people is awesome. I know that I hate people, but I don’t make sense so whatever. Living with so many people your age is crazy, because you just go and do shit, and then other people join you and do shit, then you leave them and do shit with other people AND IT’S AWESOME.

I’m pretty sure Anthony and Michael are going to be my best friends. Don’t worry, Zac. Anthony is the gayest straight person I have ever met, and he has been dating his girlfriend since he was 13. Michael mumbles all the time and it makes no sense because he talks to much and I am like SPEAK UP YOU ARE IRRITATING BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. He’s really funny, but I don’t wanna say too much positive shit about other boys so I’ll stop there. xD Michael did say he wanted to meet you though. ^w^ And I talk about you a lot, soooo. xD Don’t worry, everyone knows I have a boyfriend. As soon as I meet another boy, I try to slip it into the conversation as fast as possible. x)

I guess I lied, and I am going to type shit up. Anyways, I had my first college shower experience today! It was kind of awkward, and I don’t really know where to put my shit? Because there was only one hook, and no place to put shampoo or anything, so I just put that shit on the floor, but there was no where to put my clothes, so they got all wet on the floor because I dgaf-ed, but I am going to have to figure out what to do with that.. Anyways, I surprisingly didn’t freak out about being naked. It shocked me. I’ll figure shit out eventually.

This wasn’t a major part of my day, but it feels so college-y, I have to talk about it. Anthony, Michael, myself, and this guy Corin (I don’t know him that well yet but let’s see… He’s really quiet, and I tend to not like quiet people as much..? uhhm. He looks like an athlete and I usually don’t go after those? It’s really difficult to insult someone I don’t know too well honey. xD BUT HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND AT VT. SO IT’S OKAY.) played FRISBEE in the courtyard. FRISBEE!!! That is such a college thing to do, it’s totally official now. xD I AM IN COLLEGE!

Anyways, did crazy rope climbing tree things. Tie-dyed a r-mc shirt. Anthony and Michael came back to my dorm and put theirs in my fridge for no reason, and we thought that was insanely funny a few hours later. I am not telling my roommate they are in there. x) Played extreme capture the flag and lost twice, but on the last game was part of an intense plan where a bunch of us huddled around it, and pretended to run off with it. They got the real guy though. xD The whole day was fucking awesome though, just chilling with great people. After bonding with my team during the discovery thing (I know, I sound so gay), I just hung out with Michael then Anthony and his roommate Kent who is really cool (but super christian apparently, so does that count as negative? I THINK SOOO) joined us for dinner. That’s when we played frisbee (I am doing this out of order), and then went to tie dye shirts. Corin didn’t join us though, because someone said they weren’t giving out free shirts, but we went and they DID. I told him at CTF, and he was all bummed he missed it. x) Aww. Tie-dying didn’t take long, and it was fun but I hope my shirt doesn’t look like shit because it is sitting in a bag with all this dye, I hope it doesn’t turn brown or something. We had like an hour and 45 minutes until CTF, so we hung out in Michael’s dorm because he lives in Andrews so DUH WE WOULD GO THERE. Anthony, Michael and I are totally chill, and talked about doing awesome chill things in Anthony’s car, so I am pretty pumped. Then Michael’s roommate came in with like a ton of other people, then we had like 9 people in one room aha. Eventually we field-tripped to Anthony’s dorm so he could change, and chilled there for a bit before heading to the fountain for CTF and you know the rest.

MY NECK HURTS LIKE FUCK. I sort of just want to sleep. bleh.

Anthony is a bitch. Michael talks/texts way too much.
[ Posted Thu, 01 Sep 2011 16:34:42 ]

SATURDAY IS GONNA BE PASSIONATE AND AWESOME

Tagged with: there. (:

So, I'm in college.
[ Posted Wed, 31 Aug 2011 16:56:06 ]

I’m tired. I’m excited, but the feeling of freedom hasn’t entirely kicked in yet. It’s new. I like that I can go chill with people when I want, that I can eat when I want and do absolutely nothing when I want. I reallly miss being with Zac. Anthony told me today that all the guys he has met at this school are assholes, and I was like good thing I stayed with Zac. x) I am really happy I met Stephanie at orientation, because although we are fairly different, we are both really easy going, and have a very important thing in common. We have significant others who are far away, and we do not have easy access to them. I am actually very glad I have someone experiencing this with me. It somehow makes it a little bit easier… At least I have someone that I can talk about Zac to, and they can’t get annoyed about it because they have someone to talk about too. Seriously, most of what Stephanie and I talked about today involved Zac or Kofi. It’s really funny, because we want to go on a double date one day… Kofi is this huge black football player, and Zac is a skinny awkward beanstalk. x) It would just be reallllly funny ahaha.

Charlotte is much friendlier and tolerable than I imagined she would be. I can’t imagine us being best friends or anything, but I believe we will get along fairly well. We already discussed food and the sort. xD I still want to talk to her about Zac, but we have enough to deal with already. I think I’ll like that she will be gone often at soccer practice. Then we won’t get sick of one another. It is sort of odd living with another person, in the same room… but I think I’ll get used to it. I don’t think I would mind having a roommate in a house when I get older, but in the same room is sort of odd. We are making a walmart run on friday; her friend has a car. I think it’s pretty exciting. We are getting a rug, and a mirror, and all sorts of room things. xD I need a shelving system in my closet, because I don’t have enough space for my clothes in my drawers ahaha. I knew that would happen… But I have a lot more space than I would have imagined.

Anyways, I will discuss more later! We have a hall meeting with our RA in five minutes!

I wonder.
[ Posted Tue, 30 Aug 2011 22:10:00 ]

I wonder what is normal… or what is okay to be expected? Anyways, I am a tad bit confused on what is normal with this stuff. I used to tell Jayson very tiny, not-big-deal things about other girls, and he would get all mad and act like I was a crazy bitch. I’m pretty sure Omar acted similarly, but I can’t remember. Usually you hear about that being the reactions of dudes. To me, and Michelle, males seem… angry. Just in general, they seem to get angry. That is one of the reasons she likes Sam. I don’t really know what is normal because I don’t date too many normal people, and you certainly aren’t even close to normal so… It just.. It blows my mind, how you act. I wish I had known this all along! In all honesty, I should have known you are different from most people, and would have acted accordingly. But for some reason, I thought you would be angry if I told you my crazy bitch feelings, and I really cannot deal with anger.. If you got angry at me, I have no clue what I would fucking do, but it would be very bad. I wish to avoid this at all costs. I don’t want you to be angry, especially not at me.

But seriously I just. I don’t get it. I don’t understand how you so easily accept it. I’m pretty sure if you felt how I feel, I would understand, but that is only because I know how it feels and it SUCKS. I mean, I’m not saying don’t do it. By all means, continue being the best fucking boyfriend ever. x) I just don’t want you to be forcing yourself to act how I want you to? Idk. Don’t lie to yourself, because I have done that enough and it’s stupid and doesn’t really work eventually. xP Like. You are allowed to tell me ‘No you crazy ass bitch, I will talk about and hang out with whoever the fuck I want!’ (I don’t tell you not to hang out with people, but whatever. It’s a funny image, imagining you say that. xD ). lulululul.

Although I like the truth and I like straightforward-ness and all that jazz.. I feel like if I don’t hear about you hanging out with girls, they don’t exist in my mind. And that feels a whole lot better than how I usually feel, with them existing. Perhaps it is a form of lying to myself, but whatever. It makes me feel better, and that is all I am concerned about now. I know if I let it happen, my issues with women will get insanely more worse than they already were. Trust me when I say that would be really fucking bad. It was already very, very bad, especially during art class, but I suppose I tried to torture myself to get used to it. If you couldn’t tell, that didn’t exactly work. This is harder. This is hard because I can’t see you. This is hard because other people can see you a lot more than I can. That isn’t fair, I want it all. I want you all, because I am a crazy freak. I feel even more clingy now, too. xD Which is really no good…. >.>

I just. I get so pissed off when I try to tell people how I feel and they don’t… get it. They think I am jealous. And I most certainly am not, and I am not just saying that. I do not feel threatened at all, plus I’m prettier than all the girls you have ever mentioned so that always makes me feel better. xD I am not afraid that you will like someone else, or want to do someone else. Perhaps you even imagine doing someone else, and I don’t even mind that. xD All boys do that, but you are really weird so I feel like you don’t. But if you do please don’t tell me ahaa. xD But I know you don’t ACTUALLY want to do anyone else, and that is all that matters, the mind doesn’t count. lololol. The point is, I completely trust you. Even if in my opinion you are too friendly to other women, I don’t have to see it anymore, and I know you don’t have the intentions with them you appear to have, so it’s okay. xD I know you don’t want anyone else, and if you do want someone else, you would leave me SO. EVERYONE SUCKS. I AM NOT JELLY. THERE IS NO JELLY HERE. There is simply an attention-craving bitch, that’s all. Nothing to see here, folks.

Don't be sorry honey!
[ Posted Tue, 30 Aug 2011 19:21:19 ]

It isn’t your fault! I’M JUST FUCKING CRAZY AND SHIT

Power.
[ Posted Tue, 30 Aug 2011 15:59:59 ]

Not having power is annoying for some reasons, and sort of fun for some reasons.

Annoying:
My family seems to believe that when the power is out, that instantly means family time all the time. I don’t always hate family time, but I get irritated by too much of it. Sometimes it is good. It was fun running out in the hurricane to get the mail, and driving around looking for somewhere with power so we could eat. It was not fun watching TV. I hate TV in the first place, but one of my pet peeves is CHANNEL CHANGERS. I really don’t get the point of watching TV if you are just going to FUCKING CHANGE THE CHANNEL ALL THE TIME. Seriously, I had to just leave because it was pissing me off so much. And they wonder why I don’t watch TV with them. They watch stupid shows anyways. I liked playing catch phrase in the dark. I didn’t like when everyone was in my room when I had to clean. I don’t like them all in my room. I don’t like my dad in my room. It doesn’t feel right, and it freaks me out. If I have a daughter, I will have to talk to my husband about not crossing certain lines when she is older. It seriously makes me uncomfortable and freaks me out, and I am not the only one so. Whatever. I am also not used to having internet, so that was annoying. The bathrooms all smell bad because we only get two flushes per toilet, and I used my second one today. Dammit. Also, my mom can’t wash my clothes or my sheets, which is irritating. Now I can’t wear my really good undies the next time I see Zac. >.> And my sheets won’t be washed, so they are gonna feel weird. ):

Not too shabby:
I get to bed earlier. I seem to be able to go to sleep when I have nothing better to do. When it is dark and I can’t see, and I have no internet or movies or anything of the sort. Smoking weed was really fun. One day I would like to make a painting or something of the sort of my experience. I mean, it wasn’t anything crazy, but it just looked so picturesque. The many candles, the incense, my bowl and the smoke coming out of my mouth. It was dark and insanely peaceful. That was a good night, and I realized something about what I want for the future, but that will be in another post. I watched a wonderful old Miyzaki film on the small amount of laptop battery I had. I ate cashews and flavor blasted goldfish and drank the delicious coke from mexico. It was very, very nice. Also, I don’t have to clean at night when we don’t have power. My mom doesn’t make me eat because there is no way to cook food.

That’s all I got, I guess. I am technically not supposed to be using my computer, but I seriously do not give a fuck. I want to leave, even if it means having a lame roommate. I want to leave, even if it means hard classes and intense studying. I want to leave so I can have sleepovers with Zac. I want to leave so I never feel caged in my life again. If it means doing everything for myself and paying for everything myself, it is worth it. I am done living likeh this. My dad is coming home soon. Hopefully I’ll be back on tumblr tomorrow. Farewell, for today.

I don't like Miya.
[ Posted Tue, 30 Aug 2011 15:16:18 ]

Stop talking about her.

Tagged with: I suppose I could have said 'please', but I am a MEAN BITCH

FUCK YOU HURRICANE
[ Posted Fri, 26 Aug 2011 17:18:36 ]

IF I CAN’T BE WITH ZAC BECAUSE OF YOU, I AM GOING TO THROW SHIT AND BE REALLY UPSET AND SOB MORE WATER OUT OF MY EYEBALLS THAN THE FUCKING RAIN YOU POUR FROM THE SKY

Yes, I am a horrible person.
[ Posted Thu, 25 Aug 2011 13:37:51 ]

That feels slightly better when small misfortunes happen to people that make me upset.

At least I can admit it, but that is all I really have going for me. Boy oh boy do I suck. I can’t really control my feelings though, so I suppose it is simply my nature of being. Humans are selfish, and I am human. I get upset easily about certain things, and flip out because I can’t stand how I am feeling inside. I do not like women. I have issues. I guess I didn’t realize that my feelings would be multiplied in this situation. I should have expected it, but I didn’t. I didn’t even know they could get worse. But apparently they can. But it was my choice to do this, and I am sticking with it, and working as hard as I possibly can. Fuck, it’s difficult already and it’s only been two days. Two fucking days and I have already exploded once. I am not built for this. I want to change. I want to make myself be built for this. I want this to work, and I know it is going to mainly be difficult on me. I am not saying that in a bad way, no no. I envy you, really. Feeling like this doesn’t do any good for anyone. I absolutely need to get used to this, and I want to do it as fast as possible.

I want to throw shit.

This feels weird.
[ Posted Wed, 24 Aug 2011 10:03:49 ]

Really, really weird. I didn’t plan for this to happen. I didn’t expect myself to change my mind. Don’t get me wrong, I really am happy I did. But I… I am spoiled. I am a spoiled rotten brat, and I get upset and cry when I don’t get my way or don’t get what I want. And I want you. But I cannot have you when I want you, and that is insanely frustrating to a spoiled girl like me. I feel crazy. I know I said that a million times last night, but you make me fucking crazy! I am insane for doing this, I know I am.. I want things without working for them. I want things to be easy. Things have always been easy for me, because I am fucking spoiled. I really wish I wasn’t, because it makes me lazy as fuck. Even my dad always says how he shouldn’t have spoiled us, BUT THEN HE KEEPS DOING IT! I can’t blame him. If I had his money when I am a mother, I would totally spoil my children. You already see how I wish to spoil you. xP (Once you write/type a word over and over again, it starts looking really strange. spoil. That is one weird fucking word.) Sorry, I know I always ramble. xD I don’t think when I type, I just type what I am thinking.. So, this isn’t easy. This will not be easy at all, especially for me. I know that you will be okay with it more often than I, and I am pretty jealous of that. But, I guess some things are worth working for. I don’t make my own food because I am not hungry and don’t think it’s worth it. So it’s easy, because my mom does it for me. xD I don’t do my own laundry because I don’t care how I smell (I suppose I will do it from time to time in college, but probably even less now that I won’t see you often, and I don’t care about looking/smelling nice for anyone else). I don’t have a job because it isn’t worth it to me. Working for minimum wage sounds not fun, especially when I already have a bunch of money. I don’t do anything because I am lazy and none of it is worth it. I don’t try. I give up. I didn’t want to try with you because I knew it wouldn’t be easy and I knew I would be sad. Those two things equal quit before it starts. But goddammit, I need to start working for what I want in this world. And all I want right now, my dear, is you.

YOU ARE SO FUCKING CUTE WHY CAN'T I TOUCH YOU??
[ Posted Wed, 24 Aug 2011 09:11:43 ]

No you, my darling. No you. :P

It's like.
[ Posted Tue, 23 Aug 2011 19:43:10 ]

You were stunned by how rational my plan was. It’s like you couldn’t believe I decided on something rational whereas that idea had never crossed your mind. It’s like you were complimenting me on being rational. And that is when I knew for sure it had been the wrong thing. I am not rational, and I do not wish to be. I have done basically nothing rational when it comes to our relationship, so why did I do that? I told myself all summer that it had to be done, and I talked myself into it. Then when it actually happened, I didn’t want it to be like that anymore. That friday night when I was high, I wanted to take it back. I wanted to be with you. I knew that, and that is why I called you. I couldn’t say it though.. What if it was just because you had JUST left, and I was sad? But then I kept being sad, and that isn’t right. When I break up with someone, or they break up with me, I am not sad. That isn’t how it works. I should have been sad for one or two nights but I wasn’t. I just kept being sad, and I kept thinking I should be with you, because this wasn’t right. There was no closure. I kept wanting to play battlefront with you. I don’t know how well this is going to work, or how long it is going to last. All I can say is, I am happy that something so good is lasting a little longer. (:

I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW
[ Posted Tue, 23 Aug 2011 16:05:28 ]

Who knew there was such a simple solution. (; Glad to have you back, honey. Now to read all of your tumblr posts! >D

I AM SO HAPPY. I JUST WANT TO BE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW AND I DON’T WANT TO WAIT UNTIL SATURDAY BUT I WILL BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT.

Let it out.
[ Posted Sun, 21 Aug 2011 01:38:44 ]

I’m sad sad sad and I don’t know how to fix it. I guess I wasn’t expecting this to happen, because I already knew what I was going to do long before I did it. Apparently, that has no factor, and all of the time I spent being upset before this didn’t count. I thought I got it all out, I thought I let it all out. That’s not fair. I need to go to fucking sleep because we are leaving at eight tomorrow. LEAVING. not waking up. LEAVING AT EIGHT. It is 1:30, dammit. That isn’t very late, but it is when I need to leave at eight. I hope I am not a downer on our trip. I don’t think I will be, though.. We are going on an adventure, in the mountains, away from everything. We have yummy food, a shit ton of weed, and nature all around us. My phone won’t work and I left my laptop at home. This is simply Meesh and Veet, fending for themselves in the wild. I think I will be distracted enough. I think I will feel better. But, who knows.

I have no one but myself to blame for my misery, so that helps, I guess. It helps that Zac is distracted and such at college. I am very happy he is okay… Although, I don’t want you to lie if you aren’t, okay? I can handle being sad, really. I do it everyday. xP So don’t think that just because when you are sad and it makes me sad that that means you shouldn’t tell me when you are sad. You have to. It is necessary that you tell me when you are unhappy. If you are not okay, tell me. Also, I really do want to visit you, but I don’t know if that will break the spell that has seemed to make you feel better. You do not associate me with your college. You associate me with home. What happens if I go to VCU to see you? It might mess you up, and I don’t want to mess you up. That is the absolute last thing I want to do, and I have already done a pretty good job of it… Anyways, I should really get to sleep. Well… try to sleep, because I don’t think I will be getting any very soon. Goodnight, my dear. Sleep well. Have a good day tomorrow. A good week. A good month!

Sorry I texted you all day. I think I’m having difficulties. >.>

Tagged with: want., you., ):

Camping
[ Posted Sat, 20 Aug 2011 16:36:46 ]

for a few days. Farewell! I am excited. :D Hopefully it will take my mind off things.

):
[ Posted Sat, 20 Aug 2011 14:10:09 ]

Tagged with: ):

The first time
[ Posted Sat, 20 Aug 2011 12:50:11 ]

Weed has NOT made my troubles go away. For awhile, it did. I know that it is because I didn’t smoke enough. I planned to smoke a shit ton, so that I wouldn’t know what was happening and I would just fall asleep. I only smoked one bowl, because I didn’t think I could go back outside again. The rain was creating all these crazy noises and I was dancing to not freak out but I didn’t think I could do that again. So I danced and danced and forgot about my recent past. I went upstairs with food in my arms and watched Invader Zim. I have never watched Invader Zim while high, and it was pretty interesting and silly. My pudding was fucking delicious. Then I decided I was tired, and I should go to sleep. As soon as I got into bed, tears fell from my eyes. Up until this point I had managed not to think about Zac. I had texted Leanna and Austin, I had distracted myself significantly, but it did not seem right to go to bed without calling. And his face just popped into my mind, his face from earlier that night and I did not know what to do. To make someone so sad.. someone I care about so much.. I didn’t know it would feel like this. When I have hurt other boys, I had been done with them. I had been with them for long enough. Maybe that sounds mean, but whatever. I had not been with Zac enough. It was just not enough… And I could barely even handle this summer, not being able to see him as much as I had previously assumed.

How terrible it is, to like somebody so insanely much but for you to have different ideas of relationships than them. Zac wants to make progress, while I make progress. He wants to do his art and everything, with me next to him, doing my own thing. Of course this is too far into the future to really consider, but I think it is an important point; He doesn’t want kids. I just want him. I don’t want to focus on anything else, and I want him to focus on me, too. Doing anything else would only come second, to me. I want passion. I want children. I want love, and that would be the most important thing in my life. I’m not saying when we did it it was bad or anything, but we really do have different .. I don’t even know how to fucking word this. We want to.. have sex differently? I don’t know. I know we could have done a lot more if we had the time, but it’s like.. I want someone really aggressive and dominant and all sorts of stuff. But I know that isn’t what Zac is into, which is fine I mean. It was still pretty awesome. ^w^ It is just another point in which we are too different. The things we want out of a relationship are different, and that is really what makes it difficult for me. I was letting you have what you want, and not speaking up to say what I wanted. I just wanted you to be happy. I think it makes it a little easier on me because I know how it wouldn’t have worked out because we want different things, but you don’t really know that as much. Like.. I have never not liked you, or I have never been upset because you are the way you are, and I don’t like a part of you or something dumb like that. It isn’t like that.. I think we, as people, fit. The only thing is how we want a relationship to be and you are just… too independent, and I am too dependent. The only thing that has made me significantly upset in our relationship was the fact that I needed to be with you more than you needed to be with me. I wanted you more than you wanted me. I wanted you to give me more attention than you gave me. And that’s.. all. That is literally it. Yeah, girls bother me but… that is always going to happen. I can’t stop it, and it wasn’t you. All dudes talk to other girls. I can deal with that, although my feelings are intense. Most of that isn’t your fault. But under these circumstances, in this situation of going to college, and without a car it just.. it really makes all the difference. If we wanted the same things, I could probably stay with you an awfully long time. Seriously like.. I could probably even marry you, if you wanted the same things out of life. That is the only thing we don’t match in, and it is so fucking frustrating! Why is it like that?

I am not blaming this on you, so please don’t take it that way. This is what I am saying. If you wanted the same things that I wanted, than you would have a car at college. You would see me often during the week, probably once or twice during the school week, and during nearly the entire weekend. You wouldn’t focus as much on school, and neither would I, but we wouldn’t think it was too big of a deal. But that is not how it could, or would be. Because you don’t need that. You need to do school stuff, art stuff. You need to do your stuff. Which is really what I want you to do. My father has always told me I wrongly prioritize boys before anything else. He is pretty much right, although I never would strongly agree with that until college. I don’t really think high school is important, so it is okay to put my boyfriend before that. But college is different. And, although I know that it is way more insanely important, if you would see me as much as I wanted you to, I would still put you before it. Which isn’t good. Even though I know it isn’t good, I wouldn’t care. You would be worth it.

I am really just rambling now so I won’t sob anymore. This is really annoying. Having to clean when I am insanely depressed, and my mouth fucking hurts. Seriously, how did I get this huge bruise? Maybe I ran into something when I was high, but I don’t remember… Maybe I hit myself? I have no fucking clue, and that is what bothers me. I just want you, and this isn’t fair. I want you. you you you. It feels like you are insanely far away, and I just want to ask my mom to bring me to see you right now. I know it probably isn’t a good idea, but maybe my mom could bring me up some weekend soon.. No, no.. Goddammit. >.< I am just so sad. And I am more sad that I am making you sad. But if I go to see you, that probably won’t help you get over anything, so that isn’t very good fuckfuckdfufsdfjhasfkcsnkfjds. WHY IS LIFE LIKE THIS

I KIND OF LIKE LADY GAGA
[ Posted Sat, 20 Aug 2011 12:09:07 ]

overspraythoughts:

Shit, did I just say that? Yeah, but only when it's just her and her piano—I still don't like a lot of electronic sound up in the mix. Therefore, she needs a piano-only album. Until then, no Lady GaGA RaRa whatever on my iPod (yeah, I still think some stuff is a little silly too).

My favorite is Paparazzi (the piano one). I’m not sure why, I just really, really like it. I am going to listen to that now, actually…

Smoke my troubles away.
[ Posted Fri, 19 Aug 2011 23:53:00 ]

As soon as it stops raining. I want to go on a walk and take in the beautiful world, and listen to wonderful music, and not think about things I don’t want to think about.

Tagged with: smoke, nature, rain, music, fuck, fuck, fuck

Today
[ Posted Tue, 16 Aug 2011 23:27:53 ]

was awesome. 12 hours together. How I wish every day this summer could have been spent similarly.

Okay, I admit it.
[ Posted Tue, 16 Aug 2011 22:27:24 ]

The Daily Show and The Colbert Report have sort of grown on me. Truthfully, the only reason I used to be annoyed with them was because they were distracting you from me, and it was irritating. xD But now, I find myself actually enjoying watching them with you. I am sort of going to miss that, despite how much I hated it at first… I won’t be surprised if I watch them online from time to time. x)

Tagged with: lol, zac

Woop.
[ Posted Mon, 15 Aug 2011 21:11:00 ]

Excited for:

Camping with Meesh
Leaving my house
Starting College
Not excited for:

The end of Thursday
Tagged with: Dammit, My feelings are confused

My head hurts
[ Posted Mon, 15 Aug 2011 20:27:47 ]

and it’s hot.

Tagged with: ):

Oh,
[ Posted Mon, 15 Aug 2011 18:25:16 ]

My love for Star Wars became much more than it had previously been because of you. They have been my favorite movies for as long as I can remember, but I really, really started getting into it because of you. I guess I never had someone before who liked it so much, and I had never gotten into the alternate universe stuff and all that good stuff, like you had. That is just something else I have to thank you for.

You know, if you told me that bringing up Nick/Tyler was something that irritated you, you should have told me… I would have stopped. xP I just assumed that you didn’t care because that is how you acted. But I’m sorry. They were nothing to me because I had you. They reason I called Nick pretty and a good kisser was to make you understand how important you were to me before we even started dating… I chose you as a friend over him. Not even as a boyfriend. As a friend. Maybe you don’t get how big of a feat that is for me, but that makes you pretty damn important. You know how much I like to make out.. xP Yet, I picked to hang out with you (and Steven), when I knew you were not going to make out with me. That was really the point I was trying to make, but I guess I just made myself seem like a bitch. xP I’m really sorry, honey. And I was always annoyed when Nick texted me, so it isn’t like I was enjoying it… But I understand that nothing I say matters, because I feel the same way about Libbie. But still… I apologize.

I know this is going to sound like I am blaming you for me irritating you, but really I am just trying to explain. I am pretty sure if I saw you as much as I wanted needed to, I would not have been so clingy and touchy every time. I always do that because I never get enough. But maybe I still would have been just as touchy, I don’t know. I just think it’s because I didn’t feel like I saw you enough. So everytime I did see you, I just wanted to molest you all day long, because I had been missing out on it for so long. The only time I saw you on B days was in art class, and you were always busy and I just wanted to touch you but you didn’t want to touch me and it was frustrating. But I did enjoy doing math while you were doing art, it isn’t nerdy. (: Actually, it might be, because I’m a nerd too. (; It’s like, the opposite. xD You irritated me because you didn’t want to touch me, and I irritated you because I wanted to touch you. And that just.. doesn’t work. xP

Cashews, Star Wars, and Han Solo will always be yours as well. Also, loads of bands. Every band that is on the Beanstalk CDs, really, and a few others. The others being ones that I listened to while we were in a relationship, because that just happens to me. I still connect certain bands with Hunter, and that was years ago, so I think this will happen too. Music always connects me to things. People, books, feelings, periods of time, movies, etc… Don’t think that just because I move on too quickly means I’ll forget about you, because it doesn’t. I’ll think of you in the far future, until I die. I don’t think I could forget you even if I wanted to. (; I have a terrible habit of remembering only the bad things from relationships though, so I am hoping this will be different. Part of it is because I use my blog to complain, and don’t use it as often to be happy. And really, most of the stuff that bothered me about you was when I wasn’t with you. Er. Well I guess that isn’t really true, because the insane friendliness towards girls irritated me quite often, and I was usually there sooooo. Whatever, it doesn’t really matter. I’m pretty sure I’ll remember this as fucking awesome, because it was. So… yeah. xP

It makes me sad that you will take so long to get over this. >.> I don’t want you to do that. I want you to see other people. I am afraid that if I let us be more than friends but not quite bf/gf, that you really will continue to focus on me and no one else. That isn’t fair. I don’t want you to be alone. This ended well, there is no reason to dwell on it… Of course, it is sad, but it had to happen eventually. Duh, we aren’t getting married. xP Plus, I think I’ll probably be okay in a month because I have already had three months in which I sobbed every night. xP Seriously, a month is sooooo long to me. XD I’m really sorry that you don’t feel this way… but honestly, even if you don’t get another girlfriend for a year, I’ll still be sad. Especially if it’s Libbie… if it is, don’t even fucking tell me. xD I don’t want to know. Anyways, I know it isn’t my decision how quickly you will be okay. But I just.. I don’t think it is very reasonable, to be sad for so long. To take so long to get over someone that you knew you weren’t going to spend your life with anyways. Ah, I just hope you’ll be okay, and soon.

Er. Anything you said sorry to, I forgive you ! xD I don’t know aha.

Is my reply longer than your reply, because that is just sad. I am such a damn motor mouth! xP

Tagged with: I could reply foreverrrrrrr

Personal.
[ Posted Mon, 15 Aug 2011 15:46:47 ]

We spoke of how my main tumblr isn’t very personal at all. That’s because I don’t want it to be. I don’t want a tumblr that lots of people follow that is really personal. I made this tumblr so I could write long text posts of personal things. I like tumblr more than blogger in some ways, because it is prettier and you can post a variety of things, like music. I started typing more up on tumblr because of you. I wanted you to know how I felt. I even used it to make you jealous. x) I never even thought of what would happen when I got a new boyfriend, until you brought that up. I don’t know if I will tell him about this, because that might be awkward if he read some of my posts about you. xD None the less, this tumblr was always about being personal, because I never wanted my main one to be. This way, if I follow someone and they click my blog, they can follow me back and not know anything about me. That’s less creepy. No one knows about this blog unless I reblog something of theirs, so its allll good.

Sad, sad, sad.
[ Posted Mon, 15 Aug 2011 00:51:00 ]

I’m sad.

Tagged with: ):

I would edit that post again but
[ Posted Sun, 14 Aug 2011 22:49:05 ]

You are on your way home and might start reading the post before I finish editing it so. Here goes nothing.

If you haven’t spoken to her all summer, why do you still get her facebook updates on your phone? But wait, don’t talk about her; she is one of our new “off-limits”. BUT SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HELL. D<

In more important news, that went nothing like I had planned. For some reason, none of the scenarios I invented (and believe me, some of that shit went crazy) involved you saying lets hang out two more times. All of them ended with you leaving my house. I don’t know why I never even considered the possibility that you would want to chill until you left, but I didn’t. I sure am happy about it though. Two more days. They sure will be good ones, I’ll tell you that.

I don’t really know what to say anymore. I feel good. xD I mean, I’m sad but… at least we have two more days together. And we are being chill about it, which is like. fucking awesome.